Shawn Spencer's Guide to Hogwarts
by Hover
Summary: A 100 theme challenge. When Dumbledore abducts Shawn and Gus for mysterious reasons, they are forced to stay at Hogwarts. How will the locals react to the chaos that is Shawn Spencer? A HP/Psych crossover fic in the making. Please read and review!
1. Introduction

I read a 100 theme challenge Psych/Harry Potter crossover and just had to do one of my own. It took me a while to find a list that wasn't the one I've read before, since It'd be wicked hard to write something else that'd be different than the person's story, and all.

Before I begin, I have to remember the disclaimer. I die a little inside every day because I didn't have the ideas for any of the places, characters or other stuff you see here. The plot is mine, of course. Yay.

Anyways, here we go!

1. Introduction

"Whoa, dude! I just noticed! He's wearing a _dress._"

"Shawn!"

"What, Gus? He is. Look for yourself."

"Look. These people abducted us. I just don't think we should tea-"

"Oh, stop being such a dunderdack, Gus!"

Gus opened his mouth to respond before looking at Shawn. "What's a dundertake?"

*Exactly seven minutes and twenty-seven seconds ago:*

Shawn Spencer and Burton Guster were happily pigging out on junk food and playing vintage video games. That was the whole point of 'Pig-out-on-junk-food-and-play-vintage-video-games' night. The rest of the world knew this amazing night as 'Friday night.' But that was too normal, and would never fly with Shawn. However, this same Shawn was oddly distracted that night. Gus noticed almost immediately. Every once and a while, Shawn would fidget slightly. Not just the normal Shawn-like fidget, but a more guilty and shameful one. And, rarely, he'd put his hand under his seat, as if to make sure something was safe and sound.

That was why, when a fist pounded on the door a few minutes later, Gus wasn't surprised. He turned to Shawn. "What did you do this time?"

Shawn started guiltily. "I-nothing! Why do you always peg this on me?""Because you always do something. I'm smart, Shawn, I see patterns when they're there.""Right. Well. You've always opened the door in the past."Gus rolled his eyes, but complied with his friend's indirect command. He wasn't ready for what awaited him on the other side of the door.

It was a man. A man with a long, billowy beard and half-moon spectacles. He wore an odd hat. Under slightly untamed snowy white eyebrows clear monstrous blue eyes looked at him levelly. His robe was bright yellow, closely matching the color of Shawn's favorite fruit. Gus couldn't be considered a nerd if he didn't know instantly who this was. "Dumbledore?"

The man narrowed his eyes. "You know me?" "Of course?"

Dumbledore pursed his lips. "Is there a Shawn Spencer here?"

"Yea, he's right in here. What would you want with him, though?"

Dumbledore ignored Gus' question and breezed past him into the Psych office. He walked right up to Shawn, who almost fell out of his chair in fear. "You have something that belongs to us."

Shawn glanced up at Gus as the other man walked to Shawn's other side. He was squeezed between the two just like anchovies in a sandwich.

"Uhm," he said. His voice was distinctly higher than usual. "Well. Maybe.."

And Dumbledore took out his wand. Gus had read the Harry Potter books enough times to know all about Apperition, and promptly latched on to Shawn's right arm, just as Dumbledore grabbed his was how the unsuspecting muggles found themselves debating Dumbledore's garb in the massive front hall of the Ministry of Magic.

"Professor Dumbledore?" Gus' voice echoed slightly in the mostly deserted room. Dumbledore turned and placed his oddly piercing gaze on Gus, and the younger man felt that he should now speak his question.

"Well. Why are we here?"

"Because it's precious."


	2. Memory

11. Memory

Memories. They drift about an old man, and his eyes glaze over with their impact. Everything began . It began suddenly, with the drop of a pineapple.

*Flashback*

The wind whipped the huddled figures unmercifully, bearing freezing cold rain to collide with the poor souls. The taller of the two, who had the shadow of uncertainty covering his pale features, glanced at the shorter. "Are you sure about this, Minerva?"

"Absolutely, Albus. We have to do this."The two lapsed into uncomfortable silence once again. It wasn't long until they reached a house. It was a crisply painted white house, with bright red trim and a prim vibrant green lawn. A few knives and other tools lay on the picnic table outside, and looked as though they had been abandoned in a hurry as their user strove to get inside. Dumbledore's guess was that they had to do something with fish.

They pushed open the gate and strolled up onto the worn porch. Dumbledore gave Minerva a long look before raising a hand and knocking on the door. A man opened it a second later, a man with already thinning hair and a tired look. His shirt looked like it was trying to strangle him. It was bright red and Hawaiian. It clashed violently with Dumbledore's own seafoam green robes.

He didn't say anything, only stared at the two odd people standing his doorstep. After a period of silence, Dumbledore finally spoke. "Are you Mr. Spencer?" He knew that the man was Mr. Spencer, but figured asking would be politer than stating. Henry nodded tersely and crossed his arms high over his chest, rocking to and fro slightly on his heels. Finally Dumbledore broke the silence once again. "We need you to do something for us. Give this to your son." He handed a small package to Henry, and then nodded a brief good-bye. They left Henry staring at the package thoughtfully, and slipped back into the night. Dumbledore had been accosted by the tragedy surrounding the Potters the very next day, and the memory of the previous day had slipped from his mind, until it had come back, quite unbidden, seventeen years later. Shawn would be twenty-three when he remembered, and the golden trio themselves would be in their sixth years.

*End flashback*

Shawn poked the old man. He'd been in a daze for ages now, and the two were getting bored. Dumbledore shook his head like he was waking from a dream. He glanced around before striding off down the hall, his robes billowing out behind him. When he drew level with an odd looking shoe laying on the ground and bent over to examine it more closely, his companions threw mistrusting looks at each other. Dumbledore picked up the shoe and held it out to the others, who readily grasped it without a thought. After all, people gave them old shoes quite often. The tug below their belly buttons alerted them to the fact that this shoe wasn't really a real shoe, but a portkey.

It was in this way that Shawn, Gus and Professor Dumbledore found their way to the Hogwarts castle. Dumbledore handled the exchange quite gracefully, while Shawn and Gus took a lot longer to recuperate. Dumbledore walked around to the back of his desk, and looked over his spectacles at the two. " You will be staying at Hogwarts until further notice."

Shawn and Gus stared, their mouths agape.


	3. Puzzle

98. Puzzle

The train ride was long and dull. Shawn fell asleep instantly, and drooled over Gus' shirt for most of the way there. Gus glared at Shawn. Dumbledore stared at the two. Silence ensued.

Their arrival didn't come early enough for any of them. They trudged down the desolate road leading to Hogwarts. Eventually the castle came into view, its lights burning through the growing darkness. Dumbledore held the massive doors open for the boys, and they trooped past him into the warmth with growing spirits.

It was late evening. Some students were already heading off for their dormitories from dinner. One boy, with vibrant red hair, was being led down a flight of stairs by another carrot headed youth. As they turned to see the newcomers, Shawn could see that they were twins. They headed off again after a moment with a sense of deep dread. Suddenly they both stopped, identical looks of shock plastered across the looks of impending doom on their visages. One of them spoke: "_Hermione?_"

A girl going up the stairs stopped and looked up. Her curly hair wasn't the mane it had been when she'd started at Hogwarts, but it still had a good amount of frizz in her ebony curls. At the sight of the two boys, her face turned bright red. "Fred, George," she stammered. "I was just…just.."

"What were you doing in Snape's office?" One of the twins spoke. No one but them knew which for sure. "Nothing! I just forgot something!" Hermione said. With a distinct toss of her head, the girl called Hermione stalked off across the hall, only pausing for a second to marvel the two strangers. As she passed, Shawn couldn't help but notice that she'd missed a button of her blouse, a sure sign of dressing quickly. Shawn raised one eyebrow thoughtfully.

More students were walking past them. He saw a boy with unkempt hair and spectacles bolting down the hall, hot on the heels of a smaller boy holding a camera. A girl with flowing cinnamon locks watched him go with a distant look in her eye before going back to conversing with a boy at her side. The boy had a hand on her elbow familiarly.

Shawn couldn't help but notice all these things. He noticed other things, also; like a platinum-topped boy rolling his eyes discreetly as a girl at his side laughed loudly at something. He glanced to the side, obviously longing to be anywhere but there.

All these pieces fit snugly in Shawn's mind. There was something that not everyone knew; something that should be noted more often. You see, people are a puzzle.

Sometimes pieces are missing. People with missing pieces always had this look about them; with some it was a dazed look, with others it was an emptiness in the eyes, like someone had come and scooped out their insides. A girl with raven locks and dark skin had this look about her. Shawn had heard one of her friends calling her 'Cho".

Oddly enough, missing pieces can be replaced sometimes, but it never fits the same say. It's just like a real puzzle. Other pieces can go in a spot, but it requires squishing and smushing, and the piece will never fit like the old one had. It fits differently. It can, though. But the new piece has a new pattern.

All through our lives, our puzzles are being torn down and rebuilt. A bully in one's childhood takes a few chunks out of the self confidence picture, but a mother fills them back in with soothing words. A girl suffering through rape unexpectedly finds a few pieces of strength from a to-be friend.

Sometimes holes never get filled. They hurt forever, but after time we forget to feel so bad about them. They're accepted and eventually laid to rest.

By the end of our lives, we're a mismatched puzzle. Perhaps none of our original clean slate pieces remain. Maybe we've been rebuilt by those around us, as each of them leaves a bit of themselves with us. We're no longer smooth, the edges of the pieces are coming apart and are sticking up, and in some places the new pieces don't quite fit together well, they force themselves upon each other, raising ridges that stick proudly up into the air. We're rough and calloused, mismatched and overused, well-patched and well-loved. It's part of the human experience.

Our puzzled occasionally dictate how we will act. When he was just a lad, a clown had scared Gus into hysterics, and since then he'd been afraid of anything in a costume. Halloween had been horrible. The puzzle also tells our histories, sometimes written in a neat, easy-to-read script and sometimes scrawled half hazardly. These memories are what keep us company on our deathbeds. Then the puzzle crumbles, only to survive on in the form of memories and records.

Shawn knew all this.

Shawn, you see, is made up mostly of his father. Henry had ripped Shawn down and rebuilt him to his own standards. Or, actually, he'd attempted to. Shawn had persevered, with the help of Gus. And pineapples. Pineapples helped, too.

For just a second, Shawn fancied he could see those puzzles walking by. They were a blaze of color and wonder, and they imprinted themselves on the back of Shawn's mind.

A hand shaking Shawn's shoulder also shook Shawn from his reverie. He turned to see Gus, and for a second his breath caught in his chest. Gus was made up of…well, him. Mostly him, anyways. He looked down to see his own puzzle was made up mostly of Gus. A grin plastered his face.

"Shawn, you coming?" Gus asked. He sounded impatient. Shawn wondered how long they'd been there.

"Yea, Gus. I'm right behind you."

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Thank you for the review!

**Chaotic Demon:** Ooh, there's more than just two? I've only found two, this one and your 100 theme challenge one. I hope they catch on.

Anyways, I hope you enjoy this fic!


	4. Night: The Lost Chapter

A/N: I just realized, I never loaded this chapter! It might've been a little confusing for everyone, so very sorry about that.

32. Night

Dumbledore led them up stairs aplenty as night descended. Shawn's mind wandered as they went up and up and up, spiraling around endlessly. Gus' purple shirt was all that could catch his attention. Finally Dumbledore's gait slowed as they approached a violently fuchsia door. Shawn shook his head as they stopped by it. "You have _got_ to be kidding me!" He squeaked. Dumbledore looked at him with piercing blue eyes and pulled a violently pink key out of his pocket. He pushed it In Gus' hands and left with the lofty warning of "Behave."

Gus and Shawn looked at each other. Gus sadly opened the door and stepped into the room. It was just as bad as the door foretold. The walls made Shawn's eyes hurt, the bedding matched the walls, the floors were covered with hideous teal rugs, the beds were painted a light orange…The two started feeling nauseous shortly after they stepped into the room. In mutual silence they turned out the lights, stumbled over to their beds, and pulled the curtains shut. "Goodnight, Gus."

"Shut up, Shawn."

After a few minutes, Shawn spoke again.

"Hey, Gus?"

"Yes?"

"..We speak of this to no one.""Ok, Shawn."

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Snores filled the air. A small creature lurked in, sneaking over to stand next to the bed on the far right. Then he sank to his rump and rocked back and forth, making small 'ticks' or 'tocks' with each movement. It wasn't long before one of the snores ceased, and a man sat up in the dark. He looked around, bewildered, only to find the creature on the ground in the near dark.

"Uhm..Hello?"

The thing looked at him. Its huge ears drooped as he realized he'd been found out, but didn't stop his rocking or tocking.

Shawn stared. The thing stared back.

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Gus would never know what woke him. Maybe it was the streak of sunlight that fell through the window and right on his eye, or maybe, just _maybe it was the groan. He blinked slightly and sat up, looking around. _

_The sound was repeated, along with some mumbled words. Gus wasn't sure, but he thought he picked up Shawn's voice saying "Harder..yea, there.."_

_Gus wasn't quite sure what to expect as he sat up and nervously crossed the room. First he saw a broad, muscled expanse of porcelain back, then he saw a pair of grayish, tiny hands kneading said back. Shawn groaned again. "Yea..Just like that." _

_Gus harrumphed. Shawn was truly the only man who'd manage to get a back massage from a House Elf. "Shawn!" He snapped, rather cross. He wanted a massage, darn it. However, he'd received some small satisfaction as Shawn started and rolled off the bed, landing hard on the ground as the House Elf leapt out of the way. Gus stifled his laughter as he saw Shawn's lime green boxers, which were adorned with pineapples. Of course. "Shawn..just…no. No more getting massages. No more goofing off. Just behave, so these crazies will let us back home. Alright?"_

_Shawn just shook his head. They both knew that wouldn't happen. Shawn was never going to behave. _


	5. Gray: The Reposted Chapter

19. Gray

After Shawn was shoved into a horrible set of school robes and lugged out of the horribly pink room, he immediately started reflecting on his new situation.

As he set off down the drafty gray hallway, tramped down the gray marble stairs, and followed Gus' form across the gray courtyard that everything here was gray. A lonely, abysmal, gray. Even the sky was a dull gray, Gus noted sadly as they stalked into the Great Hall at Dumbledore's beckoning. Shawn glanced up at the ceiling, bewildered. This sent doubt into Gus' mind. Everyone who read Harry Potter knew about the ceiling of the Great Hall! Heck, even those who'd only gone to see the movies knew of the ceiling. Shawn obviously had no idea what the ceiling was. That meant..

"Shawn!"

"Yes?""You haven't read Harry Potter?"

Shawn thought back on the day the fourth Harry Potter book had gone out. Gus had made him swear to go get the first, just to read the series, and he remembered begrudgingly getting on his bike. He'd made it halfway to the bookstore, and then..

"Oh."

"Oh, Shawn? Is that all you have to say?"

"Well..I went to get it, but there was a huge sale on pineapples…"

Gus rolled his eyes and stalked off.

Shawn looked around himself again. Not everything in Hogwarts was gray, of course. He saw a flash of vibrant green eyes, he saw rosey-cheeked girls and blazing red hair, and he saw the amazingly bright blue robes Dumbledore was wearing.

No, not _everything_ was gray. It just made him _feel_ gray.

Shawn didn't belong here. The bustling castle wasn't where he wanted to be. He closed his eyes and imagined a different place…

It was quite similar in feeling. A little too cool for Shawn's liking, with a few breezes. It didn't smell like food, however, and it was a little too loud. More important, the sound of Juliet's laughter didn't fill the air. It wasn't right. He didn't want to be there.

A soft mew woke him from his reverie.

Shawn looked down to see a tiny kitten. It was gray, just like everything else, but when he looked harder he saw signs of a soft brown hue to the beast. Its chin was a lovely snow white, which softly faded to brownish gray, and went to stripes from there. When Shawn reached down to scoop the kitten up in his arms, he saw a flash of fuzzy white tummy, peppered with large brownish spots. The most interesting thing about the kit was his eyes. They were yellow on the inside, changing to a lovely viridian hue on the outside.

"'Ey there, lil' fella," Shawn murmured. The kitten mewed again.

"Do you have a master?" Shawn would never know for sure, but he could've sworn the kitten shook its head.

"Mm..I'll take you then. Let's see, I'll call you…Nip."

The kitten tilted its head, evaluating his new name. After a few seconds it mewed again. Shawn chuckled.

"C'mon, you. Let's get you some milk."

The kitten mewed and batted at Shawn's nose unsuccessfully as the man carried him over to the nearest table, where he finally noticed Gus talking animatedly to three people. Shawn looked down at Nip. "Just ignore him. He's…Well, he's weird."

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Geeke the Freak: Thank you for your review!

Coming up in the next few chapters: Shawn makes more friends, enemies and rivals at Hogwarts, Gus strikes up a conversation with a certain Potions Professor, and Nip gets into mischief.

Like it, love it, hate it? Please review!


	6. Rain

30. Rain

The boys followed the Golden Trio out onto the expansive grounds and towards a small, round hut. The sky hadn't drifted to a sunny blue, indeed, it looked as though the heavy clouds might open at any time and let their contents drift down to Earth.

They approached a huge man standing near the hut next to several cages. The edges of the man's beard rose slightly as he greeted Harry, Hermione and Ron jovially. Shawn assumed this meant the giant was smiling. But the edges dropped slightly as the man's fierce gaze turned to him and Gus. His eyes narrowed mistrustfully, but he obviously didn't have very much time to talk to them, as he turned away and began barking at the rest of the students who were meandering about. "C'mon, you lot. Gather 'round, now. Today we'll be learning about Fliesels. Now, does anyone know anything about Fliesels?"

Hermione's hand shot up, but while Gus was paying avid attention, Shawn and Ron ceased to listen at all. They both edged sneakily over to the cages to peer inside. There were several little fluff balls crammed inside, in various shades of brown and gray. Nip, who was tucked securely into Shawn's robes, poked his head out to sniff the beasts better. From the way he was eying them, Shawn suspected they smelled like food.

Most of the students were looking at the cute things in disbelief. They were adorable, and didn't have sharp fangs or claws or beaks or…well, anything _lethal._ They didn't even have legs, so there wouldn't be any kicking. They had shifty beadlike eyes, catlike ears, and no bodies. Shawn thought they looked quite a lot like the classic children's toy Furby, only with four legs instead of two, and long tails. He thought that was quite odd, since tails were an extension of the spine, and these things didn't look as though they possessed a spine…but oh well.

Hermione had been speaking about Fliesels the whole time. Shawn turned his attention back to the girl just as she said "…They also hate water, too. They attack people who're wet…"

As if on cue, it started to rain.

Hermione instantly put up a shield, keeping the class and Fliesels dry. But somehow Ron had snuck out of the circle of the class, and was excluded from the shield. He managed to get soaked before he rushed back into the protective shield.

Hagrid ordered the class to take one of the Fliesels, and in the general bustle to get the best animals no one noticed Ron's wetness, but the Fliesel he selected noticed, all right. The rest of the class scuttled away as the Fliesel in Ron's hand let out a dark, low snarl. Ron looked at it bewilderedly, just as it launched for his eyes.

That was the day a group of Gryffindors and Slytherines learned that cute and fluffy things sometimes have retractable claws hidden in their tales, and that one should always listen to Hermione Granger.

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Shawn thought the hospital wing was a very pretty white color.

Well, most of it was. The trail of scarlet blood stood out against the pearly white. That wasn't quite as pretty, he supposed. At least Madame Pompfrey had stopped the source of the blood with a simple wave of her wand. She couldn't get rid of the other ailments, the ones that had burst through the door a couple of minutes later. They were the red headed menaces, and they were amused. Ron groaned and rolled his newly healed eyes sadly. Now the whole school would know what had happened to him.

"You got attacked by a Fliesel?" Fred said. Or was that George?

"Seriously? A Fliesel?" The other asked.

No one said a word. Shawn shifted uncomfortably, and found himself pinned to the spot by two identical sets of eyes.

"Who're you?", asked Fred, just as George said: "Want some candy?"

"Uhmm…" Shawn said. He mentally kicked himself. Real smooth. "Yeah, I'd like some candy. Especially pineapple flavored candy. Do you have any of that?"

George nudged Fred and the latter began digging about in his pockets. After a second, a small candy in a bright yellow wrapper was produced, and Fred chucked it at Shawn's head. Shawn caught it deftly, and had it unwrapped before Gus could say a word in warning. To Gus' shock, nothing happened. Shawn closed his eyes and 'Mmm'-ed appreciatively. "Wow," he said. "You can really taste the pineapple."

Harry chuckled nervously. Still nothing happened.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

In fact, Shawn was perfectly fine until the next morning. He woke up to see Gus blinking at him owlishly. As his eyes opened, Gus looked away, but Shawn knew his friend had been staring at him. "Wha-what's wrong?" He asked as he stretched cattishly and reached up to rub his eyes. He froze as his fingers met huge bumps. "Whoa. Dude."

He scrambled up to his mirror and froze as he saw them. Huge, bright purple pimples covered his face, his arms, his legs…in fact, all of him was layered in horrible boils that looked more like they belonged on one of his father's shirts, not on Shawn's body.

Gus quavered as he saw the determined look in Shawn's eyes.

"Man, it's so on. They'll pay."

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A/N: There's been a minor mix-up. For some odd reason, instead of posting the chapter that ought to have been chapter four, I posted chapter five. I fixed it, and now there's a new chapter you can read. Sorry about that!

Geeke: I wouldn't be waiting for Shawn to be friends with the Twins if I were you, but don't worry, there shall be mischief! More HP characters ought to pop up in the next few chapters, but Shawn and the Twins' rivalry will go up until the last few chapters.

Kuro: Thank you for the review!


	7. War

21. War

A dull week passed. Shawn and Gus settled into their new routine. Aside from being moved into the Gryffindor dormitories, nothing of interest occurred. In fact, Shawn was abnormally well behaved, and Gus was growing steadily more worried. The last time he could remember Shawn being quiet was the week leading up to the Mexico fiasco. Gus expected something big and bad coming from his best friend, and wasn't quite sure what would happen.

The day after Shawn's run-in with the Twins, the duo had gotten even more familiar with Madame Pompfrey. She'd been kind enough to remove the purple blemishes from Shawn's face. After that, she'd sent them both down to the Headmaster's office with a certain look of doom written over her face.

Gus and Shawn found their way to the stone gargoyle that protected the Headmaster's office. They stood there for a moment, looking at the gargoyle silently. Finally Gus guessed that the password was "Lemon Drops", and the stone slid aside to reveal the revolving staircase. The boys stepped onto it and disappeared.

Five minutes later, the gargoyle slid back again to reveal the two. "Dude!" Shawn was yelling. "This is so awesome! What do you think you can do with this thing?"

"Magic, Shawn. That's what they're for.""Magic, eh? Mmm…"

Shawn pocketed his brand new wand and watched as Gus did the same.

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By Friday, things between Shawn and the Twins had escalated once again.

It happened at dinner. When Shawn reached for his goblet of pumpkin juice, a loud bang echoed through the hall, drawing every gaze to the man with perfect hair. Shawn's perfect hair was still perfect, if a little singed, but his face wasn't. It was smudged with soot, but his eyebrows, or lack thereof, were drawing the most attention.

"Great. That's all I needed."

Back in the Gryffindor common rooms, Hermione helped charm Shawn's eyebrows back on with a sympathetic look on her face. "Sorry about this, Shawn. They'll stop messing with you after a while."

Shawn grinned at Hermione as he massaged his newly reformed eyebrows. "I doubt that, Herms. Thank you!"

He gave Hermione a mischevious look that she knew all too well before he lept over the back of the couch and galloped up towards his and Gus' room.

Hermione rolled her eyes exasperatedly, but a small smile played at her lips. This could get interesting...

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Saturday dawned bright and early. Shawn rose before the sun, and snuck out of the dormitory before Gus woke, leaving Nip sprawled out on his bed. He had things to do.

Fred and George had a rather large advantage over Shawn, who was very new at magic. However, he was clever, and knew of the animosity between the Slytherines and Gryffindors. That was his motivation for digging himself out of his warm bed on the glorious Saturday morning and trudging down towards the dungeons, which, as he had learned on his first day at Hogwarts, were cold, drafty and damp.

Once he arrived, he realized he didn't actually know where the Slytherine dungeons were.

Slight problem there.

The only place he knew of in the dungeons was Snape's office, so with a heavy heart he headed there. Snape was an interesting man. He reminded Shawn somewhat of Carleton, only far…scarier, and more dangerous. Despite all of Lassiter's bluffs, Shawn knew the Irish man wouldn't hurt him, but he knew Snape was a single spell away from killing Shawn. He was determined, however, and even the thought of death couldn't deter him from seeking revenge on the two red headed menaces.

He knocked on the Potions classroom door. No one answered for a long minute, then the door swung open, letting out a gust of musty air. Shawn entered the office meekly.

Snape was at the far corner, sitting behind his desk, grading papers. Shawn watched amusedly as Snape unrolled Harry's essay on the potential uses of Dragon scales in potions making. The other man barely glanced at Potter's essay before he marked it with a large 'F' on the top of the paper. "Mr. Spencer," Snape said without looking up. "Why are you bothering me?"

Okay, so maybe Snape hated Shawn, just a little bit. Maybe Shawn knew it.

"Uhm…Well, y'see," Shawn started. "I was wondering if y'all Slytherines could help me out with something…"

"Y'all Slytherines?" Snape's tone sounded snipped and annoyed. "Why should us all Slytherines help an insignificant peon like you?"

"Well, it'd be amusing for you. I need revenge."

"Revenge? On whom?"

"Fred and George."Snape sat up. He rose an eyebrow thoughtfully. "And what did you have in mind?"

Shawn smiled.

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Snape was walking Shawn towards the door as the younger man continued talking. "And make it so it won't be charmed off, please. The last thing I need is to spend all my time getting these two back only to have Madame Pompfrey magic it off of them. Oh, and make it immune to a concealment charm, please?"

Snape nodded, but still glared at his pupil. "I'll give this to you tomorrow. In the meantime, you might want to talk to some of the other Slytherines. I'm sure many of them want Fred and George's demise, too. Good luck with your campaign. "

"It's not a campaign, Snapey. It's war." Shawn exited gratefully, narrowly dodging the heavy book that was hurled at his head.

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Shawn disappeared up to his dormitory until noon. Then he came back down from his hideaway, lurking about sneakily. Last week's heavy rains had dissipated, and the glorious weather of the morn had continued. Many of the students flocked outside. That's where he found Gus, surrounded by a group of Gryffindor girls. "Guster!" he barked. "Get away from the small children before you give them your African Snapping Cough. You know how contagious that is." All the kids scooted a couple inches away, and a particularly loud girl said "What's that?"

Shawn smiled sadly. "It's what killed my pet fish."

The children ran away screaming. Gus glared.

"Shawn! What was that for?"

"C'mon, dude. We need to find someone called Draco Malfoy. He can help us."

"Draco Malfoy? He's right over there. You told all those people that I had..African whatever for nothing, Shawn."

"Whoopsie. Oh well."

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Shawn and Gus had made arrangements with Draco and his thugs. Things were chilled between the two parties, but neither said anything about it. Between them all, they had a masterful plan. Shawn's original plan was to continue the next day, then they'd let things die down for a week or two. Then life for Fred and Gus would explode in a big way. It'd be totally awesome. Shawn knew it.

So, as there was nothing to do but wait for Sunday to roll around, when Snape ought to be done with the magic skin-changer thingy. With boredom running through his mind, Shawn absentmindedly played with Nip until the kitten got too tired, then fell asleep promptly at five o'clock in the evening.

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Shawn woke up at an ungodly hour Sunday morning. He galloped through the halls and pounded on Snape's door. He needed to plant the potion before any of the other boys got up, which may include waking Snape up early, but it would be worth it. He endured a glare that clearly said 'I want you to go to Hell and burn for eternity' as Snape thrust a small purple vial into his hand and slammed the door shut.

It was simple, rigging the Twin's regular showers with the contents of the vial. It was also easy to slunk back into his dorm and wriggle back into his bed with Nip, a contented smile set upon his lips.

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Fred and George always took a shower in the morning.

When you came from Mrs. Weasley's house, you had to. She wouldn't put up with any adolescent scents perfuming her clean air. As they turned on the water, they couldn't help but notice the slightly purple hue it possessed, but didn't think too much about it.

The two stepped out, dried off, and slipped on their clothes silently. They traipsed down to breakfast like the two lighthearted young blokes they were. They didn't notice that Snape and Shawn kept eyeing them over their breakfasts.

Halfway through the meal, they heard a faint popping sound, and looked around interestedly. When nothing appeared to be amiss, they turned back to their food, finally noticing that their hands were a bright purple. It clashed horribly with their hair. The two looked at each other, noting that the other also possessed purple skin, and then around at the others in the hall. "Oh. _That's_ why they're laughing, George."

"Yep, Fred. I wonder who did this?"

They smirked at Shawn, who returned the evil grin after a second. What Shawn had told Snape the previous day was correct: It was war.

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A/N: Sorry, it's a little long and not the best chapter ever. It's quite late, really. I'm not typing well. Anyways, I just got to see the Psych finale! Now's when I go into Psych withdrawal. Nnggh.

Geeke: I'm not quite sure if Shawn's going to get detentions. Since he's currently working with Snape, I doubt the bat will give him many detentions, unless forced to do so. Oh, I forgot to say, Snapey here may be acting a little out of character. Ah well.

Anyways, hope you enjoyed!


	8. Misfortune

13. Misfortune

The beast prowled forwards, growing ever closer. Its paws treaded lightly on the deep crimson coverlet, leaving tiny imprints on the pristine fabric. It drew ever nearer to its prey, which sat quivering in fear. Finally it hunched down, tail thrashing madly, his ears twitching with each sound eminating from the waking castle, his eyes locked on his target. Then, as if an invisible cue sounded, it pounced, darting forwards and battering the protruding thing with tiny claws.

Shawn yelped as an evil thing latched onto his nose with tiny pointy…_things_. Whatever they were, he didn't like them. He was sure that the little sharp objects had broken skin. He sat up sharply and sent Nip flying.

__XxXxXxXxXxXxX__

Shawn sat hunched over at the Gryffindor table, shooting glares at anyone who came near. The evil looks were ignored by Gus, who tramped up to sit by his friend. He took in the faux psychic's meal choice and wrinkled his nose slightly. Shawn had chosen fried pineapple chunks topped with something that Gus thought was cinnamon. He sniffed experimentally and was proven correct. Copious amounts of whipped cream topped his fruity meal. Shawn scooped a large mouthful into his mouth, chewed, and swallowed. He moaned contentedly. "Dude, this so almost makes up for smoothies._ Almost."_

Gus rolled his eyes, then noticed something. "Hey. What happened to your nose?" Shawn glared.

"Nip happened to it."

He'd left the beast sleeping contentedly on his bed, appearing no worse for wear. His nose, on the other hand, was covered in tiny red scratches.

__XxXxXxXxXxXxX__

Shawn had been called to Dumbledore's office once again. This time, he was supposed to be alone. He wasn't. Gus was following close behind him, covered by the borrowed invisibility cloak. Shawn stopped in front of the gargoyle and murmured "Pineapple Chew", something he didn't think existed, and clambered up the sets of stairs. He enjoyed moving very, very quickly as he raced up the already moving chairs.

At the top he knocked on the door, and Dumbledore's voice answered, allowing him entrance. He stalked in and sat down. Only a soft 'whoosh' by the door let him know that Gus was still with him. Dumbledore looked at him speculatively. "Shawn," he started. "You've got a mission here. You've had it since you got your pineapple." Shawn rubbed his pocket uncomfortably. Dumbledore's piercing eyes crinkled in understanding. "That's why you're here. When you're done, you can go back to doing…whatever you do. But until then you've got to stay here and learn all the magic you can. It's dangerous."

Shawn tilted his head. Danger didn't scare him, but he was curious. "What am I supposed to do?"

"You'll…Shawn, there's a war coming." Shawn heard a grunt of understanding somewhere over his shoulder. "It stems far back. I'll let your friend tell you about the story." Shawn could swear Gus was shuffling his feet guiltily. "But, the point is, you'll have to fight in it."

The faux psychic sat up abruptly. "What?"

Shawn wouldn't be good in a war. He knew he wouldn't be good in a war. He'd known it ever since the infamous attempts at dodge ball all through his school career. How he'd managed to get a black eye from a soft, padded ball he'd never know. Dumbledore was talking. Shawn forced himself to pay attention. "…And Trelawney foretold other things, too. Things we didn't tell everyone. You're our secret weapon. You and Harry are supposed to bring down the Dark Lord. Together."

"Bring down? As in kill?"

Dumbledore nodded.

Shawn shook his head. He didn't kill people.

Lassiter killed people, with that shining determination in his eyes. Juliet killed people, her form was always strong and graceful. Shawn knew guilt ate her away. If someone didn't help her, soon there'd only be a husk left of the old Juliet. He wanted to be the one to help her.

Still shaking his head, Shawn stood up. "Sorry, sir. I can't help you. I'll just be going home now. Thanks for everything," he said shakily. He headed for the door, shoved it open, and walked down the staircase. He was going home, to his friends, his empty apartment, and Psych. Or, at least he was, until he felt a strong hand on his shoulder.

"Mr. Spencer. If you do not help us, the whole world will be in danger. I don't know if you were aware of this or not, but Santa Barbara happens to be in the world."

Shawn sighed. He knew Dumbledore was right. Whoever this Dark Lord dude was, he was bad. "Fine. But I'm keeping my pineapple."

He knew instantly that he'd dealt a low blow on Dumbledore. Funnily enough, he didn't feel too bad about it at all. "Alright, Mr. Spencer. Do try to behave. You too, Mr. Burton."

Dumbledore disappeared into his office in a blur of brilliant puke green robes. There was a rustling next to Shawn, and Gus appeared, a robe held firmly in his hand. "Dude," Shawn's friend said.

"Yea."

"A war, Shawn? Your dad's going to be pissed!"

Shawn winced. "I know, Gus. I don't think I can do it."

Gus threw an arm around Shawn's shoulders. "Of course you can. You have to. If you don't you'll never see Jules again."

Shawn nodded, the first glimmerings of determination could be found in his own hazel eyes. "Gus?"

"Yea, Shawn."

"Why does everything happen to me?"

"It doesn't, Shawn. Not everything, anyways."

That's when Shawn saw it. In every second, two options hung in the air. In one held a happy life, in the other a bad. These defining moments didn't happen all the time, though. The rest of life was the handling of the bad or the enjoying of the good.

So, Shawn wasn't screwed necessarily. He'd just been given a misfortunate moment.

Damn.

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A/N: I'm sorry about the wait! I just realized something: if I ever want to get through all 100 of these in a timely fashion, I'm going to have to get my rear end in gear! So I'll be posting more often. I think.


	9. Dream Within a Dream

72. Dream Within a Dream

The sky was bright yellow. If she squinted, Juliet could see tiny green specks amidst the nauseatingly yellow sight. Suddenly a spy glass, a real, old-fashion one that was about the length of her arm appeared, and she swung it up to peer through it. A smile broke over her pretty face. The sky wasn't yellow with tiny green dots, it was a sea of pineapple.

The Detective turned to take in her surroundings. She was on the deck of a real honest-to-goodness Pirate ship, complete with sails and some men swaggering about. A glance down at herself found traditional Pirate garb and a sword-like thing strapped to her hip. She looked at it interestedly. Too bad she didn't listen to Lassiter when he began to ramble on about the different styles of swords and their advantages…

Juliet turned once again to look about her, and began moving towards the front of the ship. She wanted to see what they'd carved for their figurehead. She didn't know why she needed to know this, she just knew she did. She arrived at the front and peered over to find herself looking at a life-sized version of Shawn carved in the wood, perfect in every detail. She gasped, but didn't have much time to think about it as a loud cracking noise could be heard. She whirled about.

The pineapples from the sky were whizzing down on them like basketball sized bringers of doom. She narrowly dodged one that would've hit her head had she not seen it and watched in terror as the pineapples tore holes in the ship. It was so bad that even the best attempts of the sailors couldn't help the ship. "We're goin' down!" one bellowed right next to Juliet, making her jump. The one who'd just yelled looked at her like he was seeing her for the first time. "Eh, boys, check it out!"

She heard soft sounds of approval ringing from the gathering sailors. A pineapple hit one in the head. Blood splattered onto the deck. "Gee, I'm mighty hungry…""Yea, me too."

"Well, boys," said the one who Juliet assumed to be the leader. "Dinner's up."

They all advanced on Juliet, ripping her arms and legs from her sides. They ate at her limbs with a ferocity she never wanted to see again. Then, having finished off her extremities, the group turned to her and advanced slowly. Juliet sat up in bed with a small scream. She was covered in sweat, soaked from head to toe. Her bedding was slightly damp. Sighing, she rubbed her temples. Since when did she have dreams of cannibalism?

She shoved the heavy, too warm blankets off of her and froze as she did so. She picked them up and examined them. These weren't her blankets.

And now that she looked at it, this wasn't her room.

The four poster bed tipped it off, and so did the other bed in the room, containing a snoring Burton Guster.

Juliet dropped the maroon blanket and stumbled over to the door. She stamped her way into the hall, blinking slightly in the brighter lighting.

It was by a miracle that Juliet came across the bathrooms. They were clearly boy's bathrooms, and therefore smelled funny, but she ignored it as she walked up to the mirror and looked at her reflection. She looked back, not anyone else. And, just to be sure, she checked to make sure all her arms and legs were intact too. They were just fine, not a bite mark to be found.

Juliet looked up into the mirror again and froze. Shawn was behind her, staring at her interestedly, probably wondering how she got there and what the heck she was doing in the boys bathroom, not to mention the boys dormitory.

"Jules?" He asked softly. She turned to face him with a smile. "Shawn, where are we? What is this place?"

Shawn's eyebrows knit. He seemed to know something funny was going on here. "We're at Hogwarts, Jules," he said, sounding faintly disappointed. He knew she wasn't actually there. "Hogwarts?"

"Yep."

"Why are we here?""I'm here because…" Shawn petered off. How do you tell someone that you have to go to war for a group of magical people? "I'm here because I have something to do. I'll come home once I'm done."

Something in his demeanor told Juliet something. She didn't know what, though, but followed instinct. "You don't want to be here, do you, Shawn?"

Shawn shook his head. He looked lost in that moment, like a small, scared child. It almost broke Juliet's heart.

"Shawn," she said, "we're going to come get you. Take you home. Ok? We'll find Hogwarts, I promise."

Shawn was shaking his head and saying something, but all of the sudden Juliet couldn't hear him at all. It was like someone had drawn a shade over her vision and shut him in a soundproof room. She could barely see him, let alone hear him.

With a strong sense of sadness she waved to the man. She thought he returned the gesture, but would never be sure.

In their respective beds, Juliet O'Hara and Shawn Spencer awoke at the same time.

While Shawn instantly attempted to get back to sleep only to fail miserably and lay awake tossing and turning the whole night, Juliet answered the phone that had brought her into consciousness in the first place. "O'Hara?" Lassiter barked. It seemed as though he'd been trying to get in touch with her or a while.

"Yes?""Emergency at 24th and Washington St. Get down here. Now. Hostage situation."

Juliet flipped the phone shut and jumped out of bed to get dressed. Unfortunately crime never slept, and when it was out and lurking, she must be also.


	10. Tower

54. Tower

When Shawn finally got up the next morning, he was bothered. The dream had him in an odd mood.

The lingering sense of displacement stuck with him all day, and kept him from succeeding at any class at all. In fact, he managed to blow up a few potions in Snape's class, and was now beginning to get on the bad side of said greasy-haired professor. It didn't surprise Gus at all, much to Shawn's irritation.

On top of that, something kept him from eating all day. Every time he reached for food something inside of him snapped, and he saw Juliet's face again. The only good thing of the day was Nip, who learned how to climb the curtains of their dorm room. He sat there the entire day, twisting and turning to view the room from his new vantage point.

Before Shawn's head hit the pillow that night he knew he wouldn't get to sleep at all, and instead of suffering through another long, turbulent night he decided to go explore instead.

Sure, he knew his basic way around the castle, but he didn't know the ins and the outs. He didn't know the crevasses and the secret places like he knew every other place he frequented. He knew the police department well enough to spend the entire day tailing Lassiter to whisper creepy things from shadows just to throw the older man into a freak for the day, without Lassie seeing him once. But at Hogwarts he was completely lost, and didn't like it one bit.

So he quietly snuck out and left to roam the castle.

A breeze drifted through the drafty old castle, and it rustled the robe he had slipped on over his Pjs. He shivered slightly. The humid, chilly air drifted over his skin.

The chill didn't force him back to his sleepless bed, however. His instincts drove him up, up to the heights and the clear, starry night sky he knew was outside. It took him a while, but he found his way to the top of the Astronomy tower in no time.

When he arrived, he peeled his robe off and tossed it onto the floor, then proceeded to stand on the edge of the tower.

Here he felt safe and alive. The drop was exhilarating to see and terrifying to comprehend. The breeze was stronger here, and it whirled around him as it hadn't in the hallways. It blew straight through him, chilling him to the bone and making every part of him tingle happily.

He let his mind drift back to Juliet and his dream. Had it been real? Right now, was Juliet doing her best to locate the Hogwarts that was straight out of fiction? Shawn had trouble believing so.

Shawn knelt down to look straight below him. His skin was now only separated from the cool, hard surface of the rock beneath him by the thin material of his pajamas, and it cooled him both physically and mentally.

He knew he couldn't owl his friends. Not only would that piss Dumbledore off royaly, but it would put them in unnecessary danger. What if the owl was traced by the Death Eaters?

He'd never forget the look on Juliet's face as she was leaving. She looked so sad and so distant. Shawn never wanted to see that look changing her lovely face again. It amazed him that no matter what she was doing-laughing, crying, making fun of him, yelling- she was the most beautiful thing on Earth. He kinda loved her. If she'd only wear a pineapple costume every day.

But she didn't, and she was perfect anyways.

__________________

Juliet sighed and rubbed her eyes. The hostage situation the previous night hadn't gone too well. She'd been shot at quite a few times, and a bullet came so near her it had shredded the sleeve of her jacket. So now she was shaky, late for work, and she was out a hundred dollar jacket.

On top of that Lassiter was chewing her out. Somehow he'd managed to pick up, either from her behavior or from his uber cop senses, that Juliet knew something he didn't know. The previous night's dream was still fresh in her mind. Hogwarts, Shawn had said. He was at Hogwarts.

Somehow, Jules didn't think Carlton Lassiter had ever thought of reading the beloved Harry Potter series. Even if he did, he wouldn't believe her at all. But Juliet knew that's where Shawn was, she just didn't know where the certainty came from. "Juliet."

His voice surprised her. After raving for minutes on end, the gentleness was a welcome and slightly scary change.

"Yes?"

"It's about him, isn't it."

A statement, not a question. She nodded numbly.

"You miss him, don't you."

"Mhm..?"

Carlton laid a hand on her shoulder and squeezed softly. "Don't worry, we'll find him. But…you have to tell me whatever you know."

Juliet took a deep breath, steeling herself mentally. "You won't believe me."

"What, it can't be _that_ bad. How much worse could it be than his usual crap? Did he finally get beamed up to the mothership? Is he in that mental institution I took him to a while ago?"

"You what?!"

Her friend's look clearly showed that he didn't mean to say that. "I told him it was a hotel without beds because the entire room was padded."

"He believed you?""I might've told him something about Captain Jack Sparrow, too…"

Juliet hit him on the arm. "You're horrible."

Carlton smiled. "I know."

Juliet took a deep breath. "He's in Hogwarts." She waited for Carlton to start talking to her about the wondrous hotel with no beds too, but his eyes widened in shock "Another of your kind will come to us. He will be instrumental in the destruction, and in the final battle." From mercy, Carlton didn't tell Juliet the rest of the prophecy.

He snapped out of his thoughts to see Juliet looking at him oddly. "What?"

"You're pale. And you said something. Carlton..what's going on?"

"They called on me, too, once upon a time…"

________________

Shawn rubbed his arms to warm them. He'd been there, perched atop his towering hideout all night, and was now watching the golden dawn with a feeling of sadness. As the sun rose higher and higher in the sky, the day approached and soon he would have to face his classmates and Gus. He didn't feel like it. It'd be better if he could simply remain out here the entire day, watching time slip by in a steady pace.

"Here again, Shawn?"

Shawn turned about, surprised at the voice. A little girl stood in a pristine white dress. Her hair was long and flowing, and lovely light blonde color in color. Her eyes were a sparkling hazel, Shawn knew, but in the early morning light they seemed almost blue. He knew they were hazel because they were exactly like his own eyes. He knew if he ever had a daughter, she'd look just like this little girl.

"I've not been here before, so how can I be here again?"

The girl tilted her head to the side, eyeing him thoughtfully. Her eyes got darker as she though. "You have, but not actually." Shawn narrowed his own eyes. That made less than no sense.

"Right…Well. What's your name?""Tessa."

"Tessa? That's a pretty name."

"Mhm"

Shawn didn't say anything else. What was there to say? He simply turned back to look out at the sky, which was now almost the blue sky of day. He sighed, and once again though of his home longingly. He never thought he'd miss it, but now desired to be there more than anything in the world. A light hand on his shoulder had him turning about to look back into Tessa's startling eyes.

"You needn't worry. You'll be back there soon. For now you need to get closer to Gus, and learn your lessons well."

"I..don't think I can do it."

"You can. You will. Or you'll stay dead."

Shawn nodded, Tessa's odd choice of words barely registering in his mind. He sighed as he stood. Tessa now barely came up to his waist. She looked up at him, oozing innocence.

"Will I see you again?" he asked. He liked the girl.

"Yes. Now go. Gus will realize you're gone unless you run back now."

Her warning had him dashing through the halls. He arrived in the boy's dormitory just in time to hear shouts of disbelief emanating from Fred and George's rooms. Shawn smiled inwardly. His unbreakable charm would have the twins bald for quite a while…

__________________

Juliet was awoken bright and early by a pounding on her door. She rolled over and covered her head with a pillow, but when the jangling of keys reached her ears, she sat up. Only one person had the extra key to her home. She was up in a flash, and had just managed to pull a robe over her scanty jammies before Carlton sprung into her home. She glared. "Why?"

"We're going soon."

"Going?"

"Yes. To Hogwarts. Hurry, the plane will leave any second."

Juliet rolled her eyes. She knew he was exaggerating, but proceeded to rush about her room, cramming various items into a suitcase hurriedly. Carlton watched her with a detached look on his face. When she was ready, he escorted her from her home with a hand on her elbow.

Juliet loaded her things into his car and closed her eyes as he zipped away, trying to hide the fact that she was afraid of flying.

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A/N: Another chapter! Like it, hate it, love it? Please review!


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